Showing posts with label My job. Show all posts

So I haven't wanted to jinx it by blogging about it before hand, but I have a new job. I'm no longer Directv's bitch. Now I am Allstate's bitch. On the downside, this means when Neil Gaiman's Directv breaks, I won't be there to answer the call. On the upside, I get perks like my own cubicle and more money, as well as a more 9-5ish schedule so it's probably a good thing.

Today was my first day. They spoiled us a bit with bagels, pizza, and cake. There are many ways to my heart. One of these ways is to feed me. With food. So Allstate is on my good list. At least for now, we're going to have to see what soul numbing thing I'll need to do when work starts before I know how much I like this job.

I'll keep you posted. Probably.

Two awesome things happened today.

The first involves a certain man on a certain stage with his wife and children thanking America for choosing him in an elegant and eloquent fashion. You know the one I mean.

The other involves Neil Gaiman's blog. He revealed today that he got an email from Directv. That means he has Directv. That means, if his satellite goes out, he'll have to call. And I'll be there. Answering his questions. Wasting all my credit limit on him. Asking him to marry me. I'm so excited.

You say:
Yeah I heard Tobey Macquire is a huge dou...

*boop*

At this point it is key to stop whatever you are saying on a dime. This is a skill. You can use the mute button in between calls to make sure the customer doesn't hear what you were saying. I find this the lazy approach. You must hone your skills of sentence stopping. It is an art.

You say
thank you for calling Directv. My name is Tamara.

You don't have to be paying attention to what you are doing yet. You should have this part down pat. Think robotic automation at this point. Everyone loves talking to robots. Trust me.

You say:
How are you doing today?

This part is crucial. You have to sell it. Like hard. Because the crazy is about to begin my friend.

They want to know where their game is. The answer is simple. The broadcast is cancelled. You know this. You don't know why. You don't know when. Don't worry, you don't need to know these things. Just say:

Directv has no say in which games are broadcast on which networks, we can only get to you what the networks and team owners allow us to.

Good job. You have effectively deflected all responsibility from yourself or the company that pays your bills. Pat yourself on the back. But wait... your customer has more to say.

Apparently, the money in America will be gone by the end of the weekend. He sure hopes your packing, because its going to become a dangerous place very quickly. Did you go grocery shopping recently? He hopes you have, because grocery stores aren't going to be running much longer. He wants you to tell your friends. Let everyone know. Don't worry. He will pray for you.

You say:
Sir, after talking about your game getting cancelled and also the inevitable destruction of the American economy and how it may descend very soon into a "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy like scenario, have I answered all your Directv questions today. Yes? well you have a good one, and thank you for calling Directv.

Click.

You better go tell your friends. Maybe write a blog about it.

Yeah Yeah it's been a while.

I've been away from the internet for a bit. But I'm back now, so we're reunited all jolly like. Several things have happened while I was gone. For instance, they took Dr. Horrible down from free viewing and since Joss has incredibly loyal fans, you can't see them through youtube. So thats sad.

On the plus side, I just bought my first digital camera of ever. So I will be treating you guys to pictures of anything weird I happen to see in the world. It tends to be a weird world, so I'm thinking there should be plenty. Tommorrow, I plan on treating you all to a virtual tour of my house since it is still pretty new and maybe you guys are interested in that kinda thing. Meanwhile, here is a picture of the cage my rats will be housed in when I get them this saturday.

I'm thinking of adding an aquarium to the bottom, but I have to think of the logistics of that before I do.

***

I am working at a call center for Directv. For the most part, it's an okay job. I work steady hours for reasonable pay, I get to sit down all day, and I am basically paid to talk. I like talking. It's pretty much my favorite thing.

There are better jobs out there, sure, but one thing keeps me going through the tough calls. One day somebody famous is going to call me. Edward Norton or Patrick Steward, or God if only Neil Gaiman is going to want to add HBO and I will be the one to do it for them. Oh man do I hope Neil Gaiman has Directv.

So, I'm trying to get this "real world" thing figured out. First step get a job. I applied to a call center in town and surprise of surprise I got the job. neat. Mind numbing labour here I come. But there was one thing I had to do first. I had to take a drug test. Because obviously you can't be doped up on elephant powder or crystal juice and answer a phone.

In theory it wasn't a problem. I don't do drugs, hadn't even drank anything since graduation. Just pee in a cup. I mean, I'm not a guy, so I can't aim or anything but drug addicts do it all the time, so I, an educated and healthy young woman could surely pee in a cup. I was all ready too. I went to the place (the pee cup place) early in the morning, I didn't even take my ritual just woke up bathroom break, so I had to go pretty badly. But apparently, I have a shy bladder. I'm talking really shy. I was in that room for nearly an hour, listening to every word the doctor said to anyone on the phone or at the front desk. Actually, for all I knew he was talking to himself, but he was talking a lot is all I know, and my bladder didn't like it even one bit.

Then I remembered reading this http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000626.php a while ago. My good old buddy Steve from the Sneeze had my back. His bladder is shy in not very Private bathrooms. I don't envy men this particular problem, but his solution was helpful for mine. Arithmetic. I started a pattern of addition in my head. 2+3=5 3+4=7 4+5=9 I think I got to 9+10=19 before the flood gates opened.

Thank you Steve. You saved my job.