It's been months since we've talked. I've even got a mildly nasty comment about my lack of talking to you all. It's ok, I'm not mad. I've hurt you. I ignored you for months. It's my fault.



I don't know what is going to happen to this blog. I don't spend much of my time feeling witty and charming these days. So I haven't written.



I first came up with this blog to entertain and to be silly. I wanted to be lighthearted, cynical and fun. But I think I might have to be serious sometimes. I am having serious thoughts. Life is complicated for me. Life is far more complicated for others. And we are all struggling with it. Shouldn't we be able to talk about that with our friends.



Want to be my friend?



Right now, I'm in love. He is a great guy. He can cook like no buddy's business, the cook of his arm has this spot where my head fits perfectly. He is well read, and clever. Everything I want.



Which is actually terrifying.



I am paralysingly afraid of losing him. Freaking out about it all the time. He is too. It's a problem. We hurt each other about it.



Love is supposed to be beautiful. Songs are written about it. Paintings painted.



So why do we hurt each other for the reason that we don't want to hurt each other?



I don't know. But I don't want to end on that note. There has to be hope in this situation. It's the only thing that we have to deal with these things. He told me that, when I was all out of hope. He is someone to keep around