Things to be proud of  


So I had a day of pride and joy. You see I was at Wal Mart and I bought some Reeses...

Oh wait, I'm telling this all wrong. You see, I was at Wal Mart because of my dog. Or more specifically because Jarvis vomited all over the TV CORDS. I had nothing to clean it with. My dog gives good presents.

So at wal mart I decided to suppliment the high powered carpet cleaner I bought with a treat. Reese peanut butter cups. Now, to understand the rest of this story, you have to get that I love Reese's. The perfect proportion of peanut butter t chocolate. The two bites it takes to devour each cup. I even like the way the chocolate sticks to that little rectangle of paper because then, when you are done with the cup, you still have a tiny bit left for savoring.

On my way out of the store, I opened the jumbo sized bag I had indulged in, and took at an individually wrapped morsel, ripped the plastic off with my teeth.
Then I dropped the unwrapped cup. Right on the Wal Mart floor. Where teamsters and greasy teenagers have tread.

And what did I do next?

I ate that reese's cup, what do you think?
I'm not sorry, it was delicious.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

My worst enemy  


I need to talk to you about something serious. Very very serious. This is way more major than all the relationship bs thats cropped up so far, or swims around on my other blog.

I want to tell you about my worst enemy.

The traffic light left turn red arrow.=

I ask you, what is the point of this particular traffic symbol. I get the point of the green arrow, sometimes it is hard to find a gap to make a left turn. The green arrow is like a friendly crossing guard saying, "hey you, your wait is over, please go."

The red arrow is like his asshole brother who showed up to work with a hang over. He just stops you from going, for his own sick and bitter amusement. Sure you know no one is in your way right now, but the red arrow sits there blinking its mad, evil blink.

You can try to reason with it. Promise that you won't go when someone's coming. After all, you're not an idiot. You can see approaching cars. You know they are really steel death traps approaching and death speeds. You can wait your turn.

The red arrow doesn't listen to such nonsense. Your impatience only amuses him, and in his cold and lonely life, amusements are few and far between.

Stumble Upon Toolbar